I was going to post a long, thoughtful essay on the art of living an intuition-based life but instead I am going to post a whiBAD!ney review of my new Motorla RAZR VC3 phone.
-HAND FEEL: BAD! Yes is it thin, but it is also very wide and very flat. Talking on a RAZR is like trying to talk on a credit card. You have to balance its skinnny edges on the tips of your fingers and hope for smooth sailing. Forget about walking the Rottweiler while you chat with your sweetheart.
-RINGER: BAD! The ringer isn’t loud enough, and the vibrate buzz function is weak. I only hear the phone when I’m in church, and I don’t go to church.
-MENU LABELING: BAD! It bugs me that to turn off the vibrate function and turn on the ringer, you have to select “master volume.” Hello–it’s a cell phone, not a studio recording mixer.
-EXTERNAL LCD: BAD! It’s so dim you pretty much have to duck into a cave to check the time.
-TIMING: BAD! Polite people pretend it’s cool I have a RAZR, but I know what they’re really thinking: It would be cool if this was still 2004.
-MISC: BAD! It takes pictures when I mean to take videos, and takes videos when I mean to take pictures. I can’t find the smiley face menu for purposes of annoying the recipients of my text messages. And on what planet do dark red and light blue make a pleasing screen color combo?
BONUS PIRATE JOKE
Q: What kind of phone do pirates use?
A: The RazAAAAAR.